Nom Nom Nom

There are some people in this world that will suck the life out of you if you let them.  Like vampires they feed incessantly, ignoring your gasping, gurgling struggles- oblivious to everything except their need to control, posses, and destroy - you. 

Sometimes, I think that perhaps they just don't know any better, they were never taught as children how to respect other people, to perhaps for once, put someone elses needs above their own. 

But you know better don't you?  You're shocked by that first bite, the slight sting of pain that occurs when they've sunk their fangs into you. Now what? Do you step back and say, "No! Get the f* off me!"or, do you just let them continue because when you're in that moment it may feel good?  You feel needed, wanted, loved and maybe even some perverse form of pleasure and you let it continue.  Hmmm. Comfortably Numb. The danger is that you will lose yourself, you'll lose sight of who you are and what you want.  It's the epitome of codependency. A vicious, nasty cycle of insecurity, needing to be needed, bad habits and manipulation.

Is it hopeless then?  Not at all. Pick an emotion that will help center you again. Personally for me, it's anger.  When I'm pissed, I really am  one cold hearted bitch with ice in my veins. I feel nothing except the anger.  Not the best thing I know, but its my emotion and it suits me for that purpose.

One of the best feelings in the world is when you unhook those fangs, smile a decidedly evil smile, laugh like you're possessed and wave bye bye. Bye bye.

Who needs a map?

Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have someone you care for at a distance...

I used to be terrified of driving anywhere that was unfamiliar. The fear of getting lost kept me from venturing out, exploring new places, going beyond the self imposed 10 mile radius from my home.  In addition to driving terrors I was also afraid to just be someplace new - I was afraid of people.  Going anywhere alone was out of the question and so, I spent years in a prison of my own making. 

I'm not sure what changed. Some would say losing 196 pounds gives you a new sense of freedom, that it's liberating. All I know is that now when I drive, I'm not afraid because all roads lead to somewhere.  If I make a wrong turn it's okay and not the end of the world! Where is it written that you have to keep going down the same road? The world is vast and open and all roads should be explored.  Some, you may find too bumpy, some are winding and have ups and downs with valleys and steep hills, and some take you into the world of the unknown and you must proceed with caution. 

Odd isn't it, how life is like driving. There are moments when you think you're going down the right road, but somewhere along the way you realize that you need to change directions. Your destination may not have changed but the current path you're on just isn't getting you to where you want and need to be. 

Fear can be and is crippling. Don't be afraid to make a left turn here, or a right turn there. You know where you want to go right? Enjoy the journey along the way. Meet new people, see new places, experience everything, love this life you have! Choose love over fear. There are no guarantees that you won't crash but you'll survive and start again. What other choice do you have?  Park the car in the garage and waste away behind your walls? You simply must take responsibility for your own happiness.

Start driving  - now. Go where you've never been. Introduce yourself to people you don't know. Life is the ultimate adventure - find yours!