What if...

"Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions.  All life is an experiment.  The more experiments you make the better.  What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled or torn?  What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice.  Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble."  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

 As a child, my son was notorious for playing what I called, the "What if?" game.  It showed his developing analytical thought processes, curiosity, and ability for thinking outside of the box. He would continue to create scenarios until at times I would just say, exasperated, "You cannot play the "what if" game your whole life.  Sometimes, you have to take a risk - take a chance - and see what the out come truly is."  Amazing how we (myself included) are afraid to take those risks and chances, but instead play it safe by staying in a relationship that we know is not good for us, or keeping a job that we absolutely hate, or doing all the things that are expected of us so that we are kept in favor by other people.  Just typing that out made me cringe and utter an expletive.  Why do we tend to demand so much from other people but not for ourselves?  I discover something new about myself when I let go of expectations - some are good, some are not so good but it's who I am.  The good, the bad, and the downright unfathomable.  I still care what people think and that is the hardest hurdle I've yet to overcome. I'm not saying that you should go out and be an absolute ass without a care in the world (because I truly believe in Karma), but when you let the fear - yes fear - of what other people may think of you dictate what you do or say, or keep you from doing what you really want to do, is that living your life to it's fullest potential?

My boyfriend and I appear to be polar opposites.  He's very structured and always has to have a plan and direction and I'm not.  As the warmer weather approaches our relationship could get very interesting.  I love going to the beach and he doesn't.  There will be weekends where I'm going to go and be active and explore this beautiful world that God has created and if he doesn't want to go - oh well.  That may seem harsh or unfeeling but no one knows how much time we have on this earth - why not spend it being happy?  I hope we can find something fun to do together - we will have to see.  I'm still not sure about us as a couple or any potential future we may have but I feel I can at least call him a friend. 

So what if this relationship doesn't work out?  What if I take a chance and look for a new job in this unsettled market? What if I allow myself to let go of expectations and live every day hoping to make a difference in someone's life?  

What if I don't?