It's not all about me...

Prayer: Lord, for your sake I want people's main impression of me to be that I love others well. 

Something I try to remind myself quite often is to stop over thinking and over analyzing things. It doesn't do any good and more often than not it leaves me with the inability to sleep and a sour disposition.  I had a friend (and I love his absolute honesty) make the statement when I was explaining my confusion over the old boyfriend's behavior and what, if anything could be done about it, "It's kinda conceited of you to think that it's all about you, ya know." I actually laughed out loud at the sheer genius thinking of that sentence. My ego gets in the way and I always think that whatever the problem is has something to do with me. 

If I remove my emotions from the scenario it's easier for me to just let things be. I have a need to control each and every situation and if I can't, I start to panic. 

The old boyfriend doesn't call every day and I suppose that's to be expected.  I did see him Friday night for dinner and a movie and not much has changed. I'm not sure what role I'm supposed to play in his life - because I do believe that absolutely everything happens for a reason. The places you go, the negative and positive energy that flows through all of us is not by coincidence. Life is a journey. The people you meet along the way are not always supposed to stay in your life forever. They will weave in and out of your life - and it will always be a learning experience for all. 

I continue to work on my own emotional and spiritual growth. I know that I have abandonment issues that stem from my childhood and I desperately try to hold onto everyone that enters my life.  When I change the focus away from myself and concentrate on being a reflection of God's love to others, I find that I am more relaxed and able to not take everything personally.

Never chase love or affection. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having.

I will let the old boyfriend come to me as he feels comfortable and not try to control or over analyze why he does what he does (or doesn't do).  What I can do is offer unconditional love (as a friend) and be there for him when he needs someone to hang out with or talk to.  I've discovered that having this attitude seems to work better for me.